A funeral
by anteina
Summary: If someone have told me 24 hours ago that I would be sitting in a car, wearing my most dignified black dress on our way to bury Perry's body right now, I would have considered it as a terribly hideous joke. But now it's reality!


If someone have told me 24 hours ago that I would be sitting in a car, wearing my most dignified black dress on our way to bury Perry's body right now, I would have considered it as a terribly hideous joke. But now it's reality. Since Jordan called last night, there is no sense in pretending every thing would be fine anymore. Surely we know that this day will come. Turned out, knowing and realizing are two different things- I have never seen Turk that miserable. Didn't eat a thing for breakfast, not even a tiny little joke came from his lips this morning. He lost not even his boss or his mentor, he lost a friend. We all did. Oh how we fight at the beginning. I've always known that there is more behind this sarcastic mask, but it took time to get to know the real Dr. Cox for the boys. JD will be devastated. First Elliot, now Perry. Of course, Elliot didn't die, but they haven't spoken a word in years. Well, can't remember when we had our last chat either. But JD, as far as it seems to me Perry was his father figure.

Maybe I should have called him instead of Turk, sympathy is non of his qualities... Isn't it funny, a graduate of John Hopkins, a doctor for 40 years, the Chief of Medicine who basically owns the hospital is defeated by cancer in 12 weeks. 12 weeks the family had to prepare, 12 weeks ago Jack, a college boy, had to be told that soon he will be living without a father. And Jennifer Dylan, my precious godchild, she as innocent as she could be with her 19 years. Her joyful life is now covered in misery. Maybe we can support the kids, just have to figure out how to support two kids who have lost their beloved dad. And Jordan, well, she is the strongest person I know. But for the last years she really let herself get into the relationship. Seems to me she even enjoyed her life as a typical housewife. Oh how I loved our daily routine. While sitting on the porch and having a nice cup of coffee just chat about the whole bunch of neighbours. Actually it's quite funny, it was hard for me to picture my little family being happy in the suburbs, but Perry and Jordan, I gave them not even a year. And now they are, ehm were happy here for over 15 years now. They used to say that they would leave the suburbs as soon as the kids had left for college. And now even Jennifer is a freshman, but there were now plans to move anymore. They were so happy. I have no idea what Jordan will do next.

Maybe she moves. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who covers herself in grief and mourns for the rest of her life. Perry has become such a thoughtful and responsible husband, he surely has tried to prepare her for the life which is ahead. But there wasn't much time. The last 5 weeks of his life he had to spend in a hospital bed, the last 2 weeks not even able to speak anymore. Despite of Jordan no one was allowed to visit him. He wanted to be remembered as the man he used to be. I would have loved to come to visit him and to support Jordan, when she needed a rest. But his wish was to be respected. I will miss him. He was always able to comfort me and make me believe in myself again. How anxious I was before Isabella was born, he was the only one to see my sorrows and to comfort me. He said he was sure that I would be a terrific mum. Maybe I haven't been always terrific but my little girl turned out great indeed. He used to say that I'm the only one who got him. Don't know, somehow we got this weird feeling for each other. At the beginning, it seemed as if I was the only one being respected by him, maybe since I was the only on standing up to him. How will the hospital turn out without its Chief of Medicine? What if Turk will be his replacement? What a horrible thing to think about at this moment, but it would be great for his career. Oh no, we are here. What a beautiful, little chapel. Just the right place for the funeral.

Oh my god, there is Elliot. This isn't quite the right moment to meet after such a long time. I better just go over there.

* * *

Oh my God! It's her! It's definitely Carla standing in front of me! But what did you expect, Elliot? Did you really expect you can come to that funeral following the invitation by Jordan who has finally changed into a sad, expressionless widow in her fifties and to stand here isolated and left alone like always? No, this time you can't be spared of meeting all the people who surrounded Cox at Sacred Heart and who all had been part of your own life once as well, when being at the funeral of the man who had been the centre of all and everything!

Now, you should stop your silly monologue and finally say something!

"Hi Carla! We haven't seen for ages! How's your little family and how does your life at home as housewife and mother feel, besides not being challenged enough?" Oh, I'm an idiot! That was indelicate! Well, but actually it's the truth. Don't blame yourself for telling an old friend the truth about some boring life as a mother…

Yes, Carla had been one of my best friends, just as Turk and JD. JD?! He's probably going to come here as well! Oh God, it will be the most disastrous moment in my life to see him again, today at Cox' funeral. We haven't met for at least a hundred years…

"Elliot? Are you listening to me?"

"Oh, sorry Carla, I was just thinking about something… unimportant."

"So, how do you do? It's great to see you again after such a long time. But I just realised that I don't know anything about what you're doing right now and how you do. It is sad that we haven't met for such a long time. Since you're not together with JD anymore, we haven't really got the chance to meet. I mean, now that you're living not around the corner anymore, right?!"

"Well yeah, Carla, you know, I'm happy now. I'm a chief physician and I'm working in the Children's hospital in Los Angeles. I know you're now thinking something like 'What the hell is Elliot doing at a children's hospital?', but in fact, it's fun to work there. Of course, it took some time to get used to that sentimental touch they all have there but now I finally fell like doing the right thing. And I think I've found the right and most suitable job for me -and the most suitable man, and the most suitable house and everything. Fred, my husband, is one of the pathologists at the hospital. It's good that we don't work in the same section, so we avoid potential fights, which is good…"

"Hey Elliot, I'm sorry. I need to call Isabella. When we were talking an hour ago on the phone, she said, she's on her way, but she's not here, yet. The funeral speech is going to start soon, and I just want to make sure that she won't miss it. I'll see you in a moment, okay?"

"Okay."

I'm still wondering where JD is. It might even be interesting in a way to see him again, even though it'll be weird. It was actually Perry Cox who helped me getting over the divorce. Well, I don't know if he really _helped_ me, but that one day -which must have been an exception to the rule- he was even somehow kind to me. It was a day shortly after JD and I broke up. I had just got that surpassing, great offer from L.A. At the same time, JD was offered a perfect job, as well. But his was in the complete opposite direction than mine. He was supposed to go to the eastern coast. The problem was that he begged me to join me blindly without minding his job. That just was not possible. He couldn't miss the chance to upgrade his career!

That day, I was about to leave for that conference. It was straight after we've had the biggest fight ever. But I was right, of course. JD just didn't get the point. He had asked me to stay and call off the conference, but I couldn't and I didn't. I went to the conference and never really came back. Just after the meeting I bumped into Cox. I would never have expected someone from Sacred Heart to show up at any conference in Tennessee! I don't remember exactly how we managed to end up in a bar, having a drink. And I never intended to talk with Cox about JD! Never! But that night –even though it was the first and the last- Perry Cox, the mean, arrogant mentor of ours gave me advice. These were the only four hours within my entire life that I had a pleasant and somehow even nice chat with Cox. In the end, now, when I'm thinking about me and JD and Cox, I realise that he had given me advice which was right. Everything else would have been a mistake. The only chance for me to become an autonomous and independent girl again after that relationship, was to leave for that new job, and in the same step, to also leave JD and Thomas. The night at the bar, Cox's sentimental part revealed to me that now it would be the time to quit that whole thing. Even though JD and I were married, and had even managed to tolerate each other for some years, Cox said the only correct thing. He said it wouldn't make sense anymore to start over and over again with always coming to the same conclusion: a big, annoying fight, always ending up with JD totally devastated.

Yes, that night which had probably been the only time when I had a very deep conversation, had helped me to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. These few hours were really special –and besides Cox' activity as our mentor, at least that night, he had been something like a friend to me.

And I think I will and should keep him in mind as my mentor and friend, despite the fact that most of the time he was annoying…

The funeral speech sounds awful. I wonder if Jordan has organised it.

Oh my God, there he is! There's JD! I guess he's already spotted me but he doesn't really seem taken aback and the expression in his face looks completely unemotional. He has changed a little since the last time we met. We hardly ever see each other because of the distance. Most often, when Thomas visits me, he travels by plane. So there's no need for JD and me to meet. Now, his hair is longer and more greyish. He looks tired and upset. But still he looks gorgeous in his best suit.

* * *

Suddenly, I feel like someone is watching me and I look up. Our eyes meet and are locked for a second. Then she stops and looks back at Carla, who she is talking to. I can't believe that Dr. Cox' funeral is the place where we meet again after all this time.

Thomas told me that she has been really successful in her new job. This fact has always reassured me that we have done the right thing. Nevertheless, at some times I still wonder what would be if she wouldn't have broken up with me and if I would have followed her. Would we still be a happy family? Would that have been the better choice for Thomas? Well, one thing I do know is that I wouldn't have been offered the teaching position that I accepted after our separation. This was just another wise advice Perry has given me through all this years.

-Yes, I think our relationship has developed to that stage that I can call him Perry-

It would make me very happy if I could be half as good as a mentor he was to me to some of my own students. For sure, I would not be who I am today if it weren't for Dr. Perry Cox, and I'm sure this is a good thing. The last advice he gave me was actually the fact that I HAVE to take the chance I've been offered and take this (well paid) job. He also said something nasty about Elliot that I don't want to repeat, but in the end he was right that I will survive without her. I now teach medical students at university which I really love doing. I think he was also right about the fact that it wouldn't be better for Thomas if Elliot and I would pretend to be happy together. In case of Thomas, I also have to say that he is taking the separation of his parents extremely well. Actually, I have to admit that it is pretty much okay for me too to see her here. I even think I will be able to go over there, say hello and act like an adult. So I'll start my way through the surprisingly big crowd.

I always knew Perry Cox was a born guardian and the best doctor I would meet. That so many people came to his funeral really confirms my judgment. He made me the doctor I am and alongside with his professional teaching he made me grow personally. I hope I can be as good as him regarding my son.

I'm still trying to find a way through the crowd when I think about the last advice he gave me. At that time I thought he really is just a bad ass with no emotions at all, but today he has me proved wrong again. The last time we met I was still devastated because of Elliot's and mine final break up. By then, even Thomas had accepted that his parents separated. As usual Perry didn't seem to feel any pity for me. He said that he thought I would have grown up by now and that he would be even more disappointed if I wouldn't recognize the opportunity I was given. At first, I thought that he was wrong because he didn't realize that Elliot and I were just meant for each other, but nonetheless I took the new job. This might be the best decision I made recently and being here, seeing Elliot and feeling alright makes me realize that. I will make it my aim to try and give some of the wise things he taught me to Thomas and my students.

I'm reaching Elliot and Carla now, but they are still talking and haven't noticed me yet. I hear Carla talking about her kids- including Turk- what makes me smile. Then Elliot continues talking about someone she met and that she is really happy that HE is getting along with Thomas so well! I realize that she has found someone new and I suddenly notice – and this really surprises me- that I'm okay with that. Moreover, I even feel happy for her and I'm glad that Thomas seems to be ok with that too.

Then Elliot looks up and meets my look. She smiles and I smile back. "Hi", she says and I answer "Hey, good to see you" and think: "Thank you Perry Cox for helping me once again to become the person I am today!"


End file.
